poor clay aiken...

I had an hour to kill before Project Runway came on last night, and lo and behold who was on Larry King Live? Clay Aiken. Perfect. An hour of hilarious entertainment prior to the entertainment that is Project Runway! I don't follow Clay's career. I really only know that one awful song:

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

Oh Clay; you and your non-gender-specific pronouns and stalker-like phrases.

From watching this Larry King interview, I've deduced that in 20 years Clay Aiken will be the new Robert Blake. Some ex-celebrity who is now back in the lime light because he cracked and killed his wife. I fear our beloved Clay is on that path.

He was talking about being depressed and having panic attacks and all that fun stuff he goes through "due to his fame". Larry asked him, "What do you think causes these panic attacks?" To which Clay replied, "I'm crazy..." Then laughed it off cuz he's "not really crazy," haha, no he's "being funny," ha, and he's "joking about it."haha....ha...... oh boy.

One of the viewer questions was something like, "Clay, how come that one song you wrote didn't end up on the album?" Clay answered the question by explaining this was the first time he ever was asked to write lyrics for a song, and he didn't really know what he was doing. He sat down and wrote this song, and he really liked it. Unfortunately "it was a little too depressing for the rest of the album." He laughed again because, see, haha "it's funny that he's depressed," haha and "it's not a serious problem or anything," nooo hahaha.. and don't worry fans, "he loves what he does."haha...ha...... ooooh boy.

the lyrics he wrote can't have been more depressing than, "if I was invisible, wait. I already am"? can they? right??? oooooh boooooy.
Good luck to ya Clay.

I think that the entertainment industry is so fucked up that if you don't have a sense of yourself and hold on to that, you are screwed. It's hard to separate who you are versus the product that these record companies and corporate executives are trying to sell. They're selling this packaged, wholesome, yet sexy, good Christian boy image that lets 40 year old housewives and their closeted sons fantasize over him sans guilt.

It's a lot of pressure, sure. But this is your life Clay Aiken!! If you aren't happy doing what you get paid millions of dollars to do, you got to be strong and stand up for what you want and what you believe to be true! You are NOT invisible! NO! Let your voice be heard, Clay! Sing Out! Loud and Proud!

Ok. That's about all the energy I'm willing to exert into dissecting the life of Clay Aiken. I've done my part; now I can sit back and laugh without feeling guilty as Kathy Griffin makes fun of how his concerts are the gayest thing on earth.

Is this racist?

When I was in elementary school, all the 5th graders went to a place called Nature's Classroom. "Nature's Classroom is a unique educational experience for students and their teachers, offering the very best in environmental education." Translation: you leave school and go to sleepover camp for 5 days, dissect things and play games in the woods. It was pretty rad if you ask me.

Now I haven't thought about Nature's Classroom in the longest time. Until this weekend that is. I was at my friend Kate's cabin in Moosup, CT when my memory was sparked. It was dark, and a group of us were blindly making our way through the the woods back towards the cabin, desperately trying not to sprain an ankle or run into a barbed wire fence of some sort. I made an off-color comment to my friend Mike along the lines of, "wow, this must have been what it was like to be a slave in the underground railroad" and all of a sudden my memory was sparked: the Nature's Classroom people made us play a game called RUNAWAY SLAVE.

I shit you not. Did anybody experience this? Any Hebron Ave Elementary School alumni out there?

I had completely forgotten about this peculiar activity until that moment, but oh, how the memories came flooding back. The counselors at this "educational retreat" split all of us up into small groups, "families" if you will, told us that we had just escaped and were running to freedom and sent us off into the woods to hide. These counselors, probably in their early twenties, were the "bounty hunters" and came after us. It was kind of like Hide and Seek, except when a Bounty Hunter found you, you could stand still and be "invisible" to them--the theory behind this was since we were pretending that our skin matched the blackness of the night, we were able blend in seamlessly...As long as we didn't move and kept our eyes closed. The other details are semi-fuzzy. I remember some sort of jail, and there must have been a home base of sorts--a Harriet Tubman house or Mason Dixon line--not really sure. I also vaguely remember the bounty hunters carrying big sticks.

I can't tell if a bunch of very white, very middle class 5th graders running through the woods pretending to be slaves is ridiculous or ridiculously awesome. I mean, they didn't put us in black face or anything, and to my recollection no one dropped the N-bomb. There was some definite role playing though. When a bounty hunter captured you, they were not friendly. Oh no. They played their role the best they legally could: making you crawl on the frozen ground, or stand silently in the jail until you were rescued. It was loads of fun. I'm fairly certain we convinced them to let us play it again at the end of the week.

I took a little trip back to Nature's Classroom via the internet and whilst tooling around I was surprised at a) how out of date the pictures are and b) how they now call this wonderful game The Underground Railroad. Is this their attempt at being more PC? Now, its possible this was the name of the game all along. Maybe I'm merely projecting the more inappropriate title upon my memory in order to create a more interesting blog entry, but I really don't think so. I'm pretty sure they called it Runaway Slave.

Bravo to Nature's Classroom for bringing suburban white kids one step closer to understanding the struggle and history of the African American slave.

Tony Blair to resign as Prime Minister within a year

In a resignation letter of his own, Tom Watson, a junior defense minister had this to say to Blair:

"It is with the greatest sadness that I have to say that I no longer believe
that your remaining in office is in the interest of either the party or the
country. I share the view of the overwhelming majority of the party and the
country that the only way the party and the government can renew itself in
office is urgently to renew its leadership."

In response to Former Junior Defense Minister Tom Watson's letter to Prime Minister Tony Blair, I shall write an open letter to Former Junior Defense Minister Tom Watson:

Dear Former Junior Defense Minister Tom Watson:

So, you wanna come over here and write a letter to our president? You don't even have to write a new letter, you can just change
around some names in the one you already wrote. If you're too busy, or whatever, I can change it around for you. I just don't have a fancy title like you do, so if I wrote a letter, I don't think anyone important (the president) would read it. Unlike you, I don't think he reads my blog, so I can't rely on that as a means to reach him. Let me know what your thoughts are on this issue. We could use your persuasive influence.

Sincerely,
Sir Corey W. Johnson (I'm not really a sir....I just added it for effect)

I'll let you all know when he responds to me!!