Death Cards

There are certain things that are inherently awkward about working in an office: Singing Happy Birthday, Pooping, the painfully silent elevator ride with someone you work with, but don't talk to. When you are a temp in an office, these instances become even more awkward and annoying.

The other day I came across another example of an"oh-my-god,-why-is-this-happening" moment. I had to sign a sympathy card for a woman whose father was ill. Not dead, just sick.

Granted, everyone who works here is amazingly kind and delightful and I do feel sorry for Carol's ill father, but when the card was given to me, I freaked out a bit because I don't know what to say in a situation like this. I've known this woman for a week and a half, I didn't even know she had a father, not to mention a sick one. I'm the temp who works at the front desk. My office duties are to transfer calls, ship out fed ex packages and check myspace. No where in my job description does it mention writing awkward condolences to someone I don't know for her father who might die. What does one say?

I solicited the help and advice of my friend Chris Kelly over a gchat conference, and together we came up with some pretty good options.

Possible ways to sign Carol's sympathy card:

• Hope he doesn't die. -Corey
• Ive got a boner. - Corey
• have a crazy birthday! live it up and get crazy - after all, life's short! - corey
• Hey, at least you're making a shit load of money! -corey
• waa waa my daddy's dying and i expect a card because of it! boo hoo! jk =) -love, corey
• Call me! 917-837-0939. -corey
• i know times are tough, so if you need a dick to suck on, im always here. love, Corey
  
• My dearest Carol-- As you are walking down, what seems like, this long, lonley, dark path, know that there is a light. A bright, shimmering, hopeful light. Your father has touched the lives of many, and as he fades into death, be sure that he will not be forgotten. May angels sing upon you and your family during your time of need. Peace everlasting, Corey


• Spend all your time waiting
  for that second chance
  for a break that would make it okay
  there's always some reason
  to feel not good enough
  and it's hard at the end of the day
  I need some distraction
  oh beautiful release
  memories seep from my veins
  let me be empty
  oh and weightless then maybe
  I'll find some peace tonight
  
  In the arms of the angel
  fly away from here
  from this dark cold hotel room
  and the endlessness that you feel
  you are pulled from the wreckage
  of your silent reverie
  you're in the arms of the angel
  may you find some comfort here ~Corey

I ended up signing it "Best wishes for you and your family. ~Corey" which felt trite and cliched, but what are you gonna do. I had important things* to do and couldn't devote any more time to finding the perfect message to write.

*http://www.shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi the most intricate, time consuming game to waste your time while at work!