Fat Kid Series--Part 2

In this next installment of "Corey Johnson: Growing up fat" we shall explore the effects of parental abuse. I'm not talking about dateline-style parental abuse--although this one incident was caught on tape, Stone Phillips was not there.

There is a certain home video circa 1986-87 that still, to this day, makes me cry. (ok. I'm being overly dramatic. I don't cry....anymore....)

In this video, in which my mom is the camera-person, you see my plump, 4-ft body trying to do a somersault. That's right folks, a somersault. There ain't nothing funnier than a fat kid trying to flip his body over onto the uncushioned carpet of the living room floor. Gut hanging out, sweatpant elastic stretched to its limits--hilarious, right? Apparently my mom thought so--as I'm breaking a sweat, trying to get the momentum to plop over, my mom shouts words of encouragement through her laughter, "C'mon Fatso! Get that rump over!"

Come on fat-so. Get that rump over.

Thanks mom.**

I think I was too involved with the efforts of being physical to actually hear what she said at the time--but that was not the case when I was watching home videos with friends about 7 years later. As a very self-conscious 11 yr old, stumbling across this video amongst my peers was devastating. I tried laughing it off, but as my friends cackled away and demanded the clip be rewound, the facade that was my jovial laughter could not hold back the roaring river of pathetic, emotional tears. I probably made it to the bathroom in time so my friends didn't see me openly weep--but I'm sure they were on to me. Between awkwardly hiding my face as I rushed to the bathroom and then coming back with all red and puffy, they probably figured it out. Ugh, why was I so lame as a kid?

**A word on my mom:
Mary LOVES me. I don't care that she ridiculed me and called out my inabilities while catching it all on tape. I don't care that she, with a single phrase, stunted my emotional growth. I'm ok with it. really, I am.....(runs to bathroom to hide tears)

No, I'm totes JKing (Mom, if you're reading this--that is the hip terminology for 'totally just kidding'. It's what the kids are sayin' now a days) My mom is the best and much cooler than yours---so she can call me whatever she wants. Besides...She was fat too.

In conclusion, I would like to sum up my feelings on this situation using this clip from Family Guy: