Improv shows Fri and Sat

LORETTA!

She takes up 2 seats on the train, wears plaid, and loves to make you laugh!

LORETTA! is:

Brian Belcinski
Kevin R. Free
Corey Johnson
Chris Kelly
Cody Lindquist
Katie Schorr

Come check out our improv show and be amazed and dazzled by our talent, good looks and humility.

Friday, March 30th
10:00 pm
Gotham City Improv
48 West 21 St Street, 8th floor(between 5th & 6th Ave.)Buzzer 13

212-367-8222

www.gothamcityimprov.com


Playing with
Don Flamenco and Bombardo

Saturday, March 31st in CT!
8:00 pm
CCSU Torp Theater
Benefit for AIDS Project Hartford! $5 suggested donation

Ask me for more info!



be our friend.
http://www.myspace.com/lorettacomedy

Endorsements

As Founder, Board of Director and Insatiable Ruler of umm...i didn't know i was starting a blog, I understand the importance and power of my endorsements. I do not take this responsibility lightly and choose to endorse/not endorse something based on cold hard facts, unwavering likability and with the utmost respect. Read on, dear reader, and embrace the splendor of my endorsements.

1. The Secret
Yes, this is the crazy, cultish phenomenon that's sweeping the nation after Oprah gave it her kind-of-tire touch. It basically says that if you think positively, take stock of the things you are grateful for and visualize how you want your life to be you can control the universe and make it all become a reality. Yes, that is right, you can control the U-NI-VERSE. Sounds like some hippy-dippy hoo-ha, right? Well that may be so, but really what is so bad about everyone becoming more positive? There's no harm; it can make you more content, grounded, and fulfilled. It's sort of nice. And plus, who doesn't like to be in on a secret?!



2. At Least It's Pink
This is a hilarious show playing at Ars Nova until April 1st, so see it NOW. The crass, raunchy humor will have you laughing from the first sex-with-fat lady joke to the last abortion song. Innovative and clever lyrics bring this mock-cabaret to a hilarity of inappropriate proportions.

The show plays at Ars Nova and you can get tickets from Smartix.com - 212-868-4444.

If you mention this blog you will get a 50% discount on your tickets!!!

Okay, not really, but you should mention this blog anyway cuz that would be fun.



3. Guacamole

I love dip, all sorts of dip, but guacamole is by far the best dip that there is. If you thought hummus was good, LOOK OUT! I'm sure you have had guacamole before, most people have, but no one ever really takes the time to point out its brilliance. Guacamole goes under appreciated every day and this blog will put an end to that. Now I have had some kinds of guac that are too avocado-y, this is no good. The perfect guac will have onions, tomatoes, corn, beans and other accouterments of deliciousness. Does anyone have a good guac recipe? I have never made it, and I think its high time I put an end to that. Who wants to come to a Guacamole party?! anyone?!? I'm in heaven just thinking about it.

4. Arcade Fire's new album, Neon Bible

I have not listened to this album in depth but I am confident enough to add it to my list of endorsements. I am not musically qualified to give an appropriate review of their sophomore album, but its fucking great and you should buy it. They performed on SNL this season and used bullhorns. BULLHORNS, PEOPLE! And there were like 47 of them in the band. How can I not endorse it.





THINGS THIS BLOG DOES NOT ENDORSE

1. March
I'm over it, really. All of this "in like a lion, out like a lamb" bullshit is so gay. It was pushing 70 degrees last week and then with in a few days the skies were shitting sleet and snow. I'm sorry, but that is just not necessary, March! Why can't you be more like your more popular sister, April? From this moment on, I denounce March--I shall not recognize it as a month. Join in my crusade to end this disrespectful month, if we work together, I forsee the destruction and timely death of this awful month with in 10 days.



2. Best Buy
Clearly, if you've been keeping up I don't need to go into too much explanation. I'll give you the quick rundown and final developments.
I brought my busted computer in to be fixed by Best Buy's Geek Squad. 5 1/2 weeks later I get it back worse off than when I originally brought it in. Another 3 weeks follow trying to get in touch with a manager. Finally, this past week, I got a refund of the money I paid to have my computer "fixed." Huzzah....i guess...
All joking aside, this is literally the worst customer service I have experienced in my 24 years on this planet. Their blatant disregard for customer satisfaction was appalling and I whole heartily endorse a boycott of Best Buy. Do. Not. Go. There. If you have to, that's fine...but DO. NOT. USE. GEEKSQUAD. seriously. Lord knows I will never step foot in that store again (starting right after I use my $15 gift card they gave me for my troubles...)

think lovely thoughts...

Some days at work suck more than others. This is one of those days. They just moved me to a sucky ass cubicle--right next to the sucky-ass cubicle I sat at for the first 2 years of employment here at broadway.com. Although bigger, these cubicles are life-sucking and awful; there are no windows remotely close for me to look out, you have to get up and answer the door when no one is at reception, and in the 360 degrees surrounding me my view consists of grey cubicle wall A, grey cubicle wall B, grey cubicle wall C, or white office wall. Not to mention my computer screen faces a high-traffic walk way for all the world to see me blogging, gmailing or myspacing.

The cubicle I was moved from was its own little room, which I shared with my delightful coworker, Joe. Granted, it was hard to tell when a supervisor was approaching with enough time to click onto a work-related page, and there still wasn't a window, I at least had another person next to me, not separated by a wall. A fun person, who made the day a little easier to get through. I do have people on the left and right of my cubicle walls now, however I am not delighted by them, nor will they make the day a little easier to get through. Let's just say I would much rather have my desk moved to Storage Room B a la Milton from Office Space.

BUT, I'm trying to remain positive (I've seen The Secret!!!) so here is a list of good things that having my desk moved has wrought:

1. I had an excuse not to do work for the two hours I took to change desks

2. The windows in this office face the Sheridan Manhattan hotel which has a patio that inexplicably draws ugly people to take off their clothes and sunbathe--who wants to see that?!

3. I get to hear my sassy co-worker Bret mouth off to customers again

4. Moving desks gave me the initiative to hang a tribal tapestry on one of my cubicle walls as to accent the mind-numbing grey

5. After spilling water over all of the magazine pictures I had, I now have a reason to redecorate (Thankfully I was able to salvage my picture of Zack and Kelly, Paul Rudd, and the Six Feet Under Ad.)

6. Moving desks is the most exciting thing to happen at work since a former supervisor flipped out, started crying and rolling around on the ground

yeah bitches!!!

March 27th to be exact...

hmmm...

Would it be rude or hilarious if I angrily Shhhsssh'd the woman in the cubicle next to me while she's having one of her coughing fits?

Things to think about:

She started last week.

She is the assistant to the President of the company.

She is very nice and says "Bless You" every time I sneeze.

I'm Back!!!

Oh, my faithful followers, my dear readers, my loyal minions. In the words of Bryan Adams,

"Please forgive me I know not what I do/ Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you" Okay, maybe that doesn't really accurately express what I'm trying to say.

Sorry I haven't updated this thing in nearly 2 weeks. Yeah, there we go.

I wish I could tell you that I was off shooting a film, or busy with my new HBO pilot, or backpacking through Europe. Those would all be justifiable reasons for not distracting you with hilarity and joy, as this blog sets out to do. Alas, I have been here all along sitting in my dreary cubicle, uninspired and unable to come up with anything worth your time and effort.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT, for I have returned. After a 2 week hiatus, I am back and raring to go. Look out world. When Brittney makes her comeback, it will pale in comparison to this!

I still really don't have much to tell you. Except for this:

Remember when I was a big douche and washed my clothes with a pen in the pocket? Yeah, so do I. Well, my mom, being the godly woman that she is, mailed me a box of clothes that she bought me.

Granted, she got these clothes from the 80% off discount rack at Kohl's (Mary Johnson knows a bargain when she sees one, folks!) there were actually quite a few shirts that were not only wearable, but fashionable* as well.

My favorite shirt, though, reminded me of a shirt she got me from Christmas. See Kohl's likes to get in on the trend off shirts with quirky, funny sayings on them. This one T-shirt I got on Christmas is olive green with bright orange words across the chest that say:

YOU'RE BROIN' MY MIND

No one really knows what this means.

The shirt that I most recently got might be even better. It's dark blue with a picture of milk and cookies on it with words underneath saying:

I'M ON SANTA'S DIET!

Again, what? Santa's diet? I kind of like to wear these shirts underneath a hoody or a sweater so they become my little secret. Only I know the amazingness that lies underneath.

If I were a t-shirt designer for Kohl's, here would be my ideas:

1. a picture of a cup with the words, CUPS ARE COOL

2. a picture of a lightning bolt in a pile of rocks with the words, LIGHTNING ROCKS!

3. The Nike swoosh with the words above it, JUST DOUCHE IT

Brilliant.


*I have no fashion sense.