I'm Back!!!

Oh, my faithful followers, my dear readers, my loyal minions. In the words of Bryan Adams,

"Please forgive me I know not what I do/ Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you" Okay, maybe that doesn't really accurately express what I'm trying to say.

Sorry I haven't updated this thing in nearly 2 weeks. Yeah, there we go.

I wish I could tell you that I was off shooting a film, or busy with my new HBO pilot, or backpacking through Europe. Those would all be justifiable reasons for not distracting you with hilarity and joy, as this blog sets out to do. Alas, I have been here all along sitting in my dreary cubicle, uninspired and unable to come up with anything worth your time and effort.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT, for I have returned. After a 2 week hiatus, I am back and raring to go. Look out world. When Brittney makes her comeback, it will pale in comparison to this!

I still really don't have much to tell you. Except for this:

Remember when I was a big douche and washed my clothes with a pen in the pocket? Yeah, so do I. Well, my mom, being the godly woman that she is, mailed me a box of clothes that she bought me.

Granted, she got these clothes from the 80% off discount rack at Kohl's (Mary Johnson knows a bargain when she sees one, folks!) there were actually quite a few shirts that were not only wearable, but fashionable* as well.

My favorite shirt, though, reminded me of a shirt she got me from Christmas. See Kohl's likes to get in on the trend off shirts with quirky, funny sayings on them. This one T-shirt I got on Christmas is olive green with bright orange words across the chest that say:

YOU'RE BROIN' MY MIND

No one really knows what this means.

The shirt that I most recently got might be even better. It's dark blue with a picture of milk and cookies on it with words underneath saying:

I'M ON SANTA'S DIET!

Again, what? Santa's diet? I kind of like to wear these shirts underneath a hoody or a sweater so they become my little secret. Only I know the amazingness that lies underneath.

If I were a t-shirt designer for Kohl's, here would be my ideas:

1. a picture of a cup with the words, CUPS ARE COOL

2. a picture of a lightning bolt in a pile of rocks with the words, LIGHTNING ROCKS!

3. The Nike swoosh with the words above it, JUST DOUCHE IT

Brilliant.


*I have no fashion sense.