A. A customer I talked to on the phone today was ordering tickets for some show but needed good seats because his wife, "is short; she's just a little bit taller than a midget. She's a real small lady."
So, I guess this woman isn't legally a midget. What is the cut off point for midgets? I think he mentioned she was 4'8". Poor gal. Does she miss out on all the benefits real midgets get? I wonder if she's allowed to drive a fancy midget car, or eat special midget food, or...I'm not quite sure what other fringe benefits being a midget gets you. It's so sad! Her whole life she has been on the outskirts of this special little club, peering into a world she feels a part of, but is horribly shunned from. And then her dick of a husband goes around calling her a "small lady." Excuse me sir, she is big on the inside!! I watched an episode of 'Little People, Big World" once! That is racist*.
B. Something else that is racist*: sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry, but whoever invented sunflower seeds as a 'snack' is an asshole. The amount of work it takes to pry open the (delightfully) salted shell to get to the actual food is way too much for what you get. It it were a math equation, it'd look something like this:
Energy + Amount of Taste = NEGATIVE ENJOYMENT
Okay...i don't think that's math, but you get the point.
Seriously, sunflower seeds were meant to be enjoyed by small birds, with small, agile beaks, not humans with clunky chompers. The only part of the process that is enjoyable is the flavoring of the shell, but that's all it is--flavoring! You can't eat just flavoring, that's not food! It's ridiculous to think that after all that cracking of the shell, taking it out of your mouth, getting saliva everywhere, prying small pieces of shell away--all you get is a tiny morsel of seed. No thank you.
*my definition of racist= something that's not right
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2 comments:
3 things:
1. I tried in vain to find your direct line via broadway.com. I thought that it would be hilarious to prank call you. I don't know what I was expecting. To click contact and there would be a list with your name on top.
2. That poor woman. What group does she identify with, tall or small? She's in limbo. I want to reach out to her.
3. I just suck the salty contents from the seed and discard it once the flavor has depleted.
I love your definition of racism. My definition of your definition=something that is right.
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