I called this customer and had to leave a voice mail. This was his answering machine message:
"Hi, you've reached the Parkers. For English, press 1 and wait for the tone. For Spanish, hang up now and call back after learning English. This is just a quick reminder that you still live in America."
This guy really gets that many non-English speaking people calling him to warrant leaving that on his answering machine? What's the point anyway? If they don't speak English, they won't understand what you're saying. In reality, the sole purpose of this answering machine message was to let friends, family and broadway.com employees know his position on English being the national language. I wonder if he knows that America doesn't have a national language...
And now for some amazing emails sent in by some of our customers. Many thanks to Nathaniel Bogart who compiled them and gave me the go ahead to publish them to the world. Names and contact info have been changed for the privacy and dignity of these hilariously misguided people (Although, I wish I could call them up to tell them what morons they are) Aside from that, these remain unchanged from how they were sent.
From: Lisa Nun
Subject: Other
Message: I really don't know if you can even help me, but maybe you can point me in the right direction. I am having a Phantom Of the Opera themed wedding where I will be dressed as Christine, the problem I am having is that I am looking for the wig that she wears and possibly the clothing. If you have any idea where I may be able to find these items or who I could contact if you are not the correct party please let me know. Any help in this matter would be much appreciated. Thank you . Sincerely , Lisa Nun
From: Raelpho Noggin
Subject: Other
Message: Broadway Representatives:
I was wondering if there was a possibility for me to audition as an actor/singer, for any upcoming broadway show. I was thinking of sending you a video, for example, or something to test my adeptness so that maybe you can considerate the fact of having me onboard.
Thanks for your time, please answer my inquietude.
From: Jean Spitzer
Subject: New York Information
Message: My husband and I are planning to take our son --and his girl friend?? -- out on the town in NYC for his 20th birthday next Feb 07. We are all from out of town. My husband thinks there's probably some "cool" night spot that we could all go to together. I doubt it. By the way we are African Amn. Do you know of any such 'scene'??
From: Jennica Morgan
Subject: General Theater Information
Message: Hi Could you Please send me info on The lion kjng and any general Broadway info you have. Also A plastic bag or box with NY or broadway on it My adress is 1409 Rusten Good Rd Greensboro, NC 29634 Thank You!!!!!
From: Sofia London
Subject: Other
Message: Hi! i just wanna ask someone if i could star i some of the upcoming musicals at Broadway, i grew up i Sweden and like to do theatres, i have never been in a musical home in sweden before, so its something new for me,
And this is, by far, my favorite.
From: Ricky t. Fratz
Subject: Other
Message: Hey I am 15 years old and I will be in ninth grade at Democracy high school in Nazareth twsp. PA. I would like to somehow get onto broadway in the next few years, i am a dancer and I seriously am a legend and a very popular kid in Nazareth. I can act a little and can sing a little too. I have been dancing for almost my whole life. I can do a bunch of kinds of dances including freestyle, hip-hop, pop, jazz, and ballroom. I have been in a ton of talent shows, musicals, and choirs. I am not really a stranger when it comes to being on stage. It has been me and my family's dream for a couple years already to be recognized and to be on broadway, especially. I have taken lessons for singing and dancing. I do not like to fly on a plane so I really can't go too many hours away, so that's one of the reasons why I want to be on broadway at least it is only a couple of hours away. I would also like to make some money now, dancing on broadway. Pretty much the main reason for getting on broadway is my nana is almost 80 and I don't know how many more years I'll have her around and she really would love to see her favorite grandchild doing what he loves on broadway, dancing. I used to live right down the street from her a couple of years ago and now that I live a couple of miles away It does'nt change the fact that she always bugs me to do something I love and her dream is to see me on broadway. I go to the same church as her, I go out with her and my grandpa out to eat or shopping a couple of times a month. I also talk on the phone with her litterally every night. I see her and my grandpa almost more than my mom and dad, younger sister, my pets or even my friends. I've been told that there is something very special bond with a young boys life, and that is the bond between a young boy and his grandma. Thanks for reading this and please, give me a chance to honor myself, my town, my family and most of all my loving grandma who pushes me towards my goal of music EVERY DAY.
Message: Hey I am 15 years old and I will be in ninth grade at Democracy high school in Nazareth twsp. PA. I would like to somehow get onto broadway in the next few years, i am a dancer and I seriously am a legend and a very popular kid in Nazareth. I can act a little and can sing a little too. I have been dancing for almost my whole life. I can do a bunch of kinds of dances including freestyle, hip-hop, pop, jazz, and ballroom. I have been in a ton of talent shows, musicals, and choirs. I am not really a stranger when it comes to being on stage. It has been me and my family's dream for a couple years already to be recognized and to be on broadway, especially. I have taken lessons for singing and dancing. I do not like to fly on a plane so I really can't go too many hours away, so that's one of the reasons why I want to be on broadway at least it is only a couple of hours away. I would also like to make some money now, dancing on broadway. Pretty much the main reason for getting on broadway is my nana is almost 80 and I don't know how many more years I'll have her around and she really would love to see her favorite grandchild doing what he loves on broadway, dancing. I used to live right down the street from her a couple of years ago and now that I live a couple of miles away It does'nt change the fact that she always bugs me to do something I love and her dream is to see me on broadway. I go to the same church as her, I go out with her and my grandpa out to eat or shopping a couple of times a month. I also talk on the phone with her litterally every night. I see her and my grandpa almost more than my mom and dad, younger sister, my pets or even my friends. I've been told that there is something very special bond with a young boys life, and that is the bond between a young boy and his grandma. Thanks for reading this and please, give me a chance to honor myself, my town, my family and most of all my loving grandma who pushes me towards my goal of music EVERY DAY.
there is no need to make witty remarks on these. I think they speak for themselves.
3 comments:
yes. no need for witty remarks at all. that was wonderful. keep them coming. this should be a recurring entry.
kudos.
Man, if I had known that you were in charge of getting people on broadway I certainly would have befriended you a lot sooner!
p.s. it is my fondest dream to be in Flower Drum Song on broadway. I know it's not running any more and I'm not asian but can you see what you can do, thanks.
OH MY GOD LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
fucking amazing.
ps: I want a plastic bag too!!
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