Tag....

Let me first start this off by saying I do not like Tag. I was fat as a kid, so the whole running thing was not an activity I enjoyed, and let's be honest--there's not much more to the game of tag besides the running. If I had to pick a favorite type of tag to play it would probably be Freeze Tag because at least in this version you got a little break every now and then. You could wait there and catch your breath until someone crawled under your legs or some shit like that.

Apparently the game of tag is making it's way around the blogosphere and I, ladies and gentlemen, am it. Katie Schorr "tagged" me to list 5 things you don't know about myself. This is a much easier game of tag, in my opinion.

1. When I was a kid, I LOVED Janet Jackson. The cassette tape of Control was a permanent fixture in my walkman. One afternoon I was out on my driveway listening to this tape; listening and dancing. My driveway was a stage and I was pouring my soul out into my clumsy, thrashing, chunky dance moves. It was intense, I was sweating, but loving every second of it. After about 15 or 20 minutes of my solo concert, I look up to see that my Mom had been watching me from my bedroom window for God knows how long. I got so upset and embarrassed and yelled at her as I threw off my headphones and walked into the garage to hide from my sole audience member.

2. I kind of want to be a pilot.

3. I hate Best Buy and want to start a nation-wide boycott that puts them out of business. Seriously, those fuckers don't know how to fix a computer and have the worst customer service. ever. That's right, I would even go so far to say their customer service is worse than Time Warner Cable....And Time Warner is about as helpful as a monkey holding its dick. So if I start a petition, will you sign it?

4. I read Chris Kelly's 5 things, as he was tagged by Katie as well, and was surprised to see that one of his items was similar to mine. His was that he always pictured his life as a TV show. Mine is that I thought my life was just like The Truman Show. This was way before the movie came out though; I totally thought (not constantly, but every now and then) that I was being filmed and everyone in my life was an actor. Everything that I had experienced was carefully planned and scripted: my parents, family vacations, and even me riding my bike around the neighborhood. The entirety of elementary school was one big, choreographed movement sequence. A slight variant on this imagining was that I had a horrible, deadly disease and no one told me, but everyone in the world had gathered together to create the life that I knew. So every stranger, teacher, friend or foe knew who I was, and that I was dying and wanted to help create this epic masterpiece that was my life.

When I saw the first preview for The Truman Show, I freaked out a little and thought, "hey, maybe it was true. Maybe this is their film-with-in-a-film way of telling me what was going on." I soon realized that I wasn't the center of the universe and no one really knew or cared who I was...

5. I am a convicted rapist.


just kidding.

the real 5. I was potty trained at a normal age, however I refused to go poop on the toilet and MADE my mom put a diaper on me every time I had to poop. I don't know how old I was when I finally shat on the toilet...but it was probably a year or 2 past "normal." My mom finally put her foot down when diapers didn't fit my pudgy body anymore and said to me, "No. You have to go poop on the toilet." I then waited 3 days, holding it in, until I finally succumbed to the building pressure and made the giant step towards adulthood.

Now it's my turn to tag people:

Lauri

Courtney

Carolyn

Brian (i don't know your last name but your blog is named countdown to 28)

Daniel Vosovic (okay...so the likely hood of Daniel Vosovic from project runway reading this and seeing that he has been tagged is not likely...in fact near impossible... but I'm still tagging him.)

YOU'S IT BITCHES!!!